Influence, Ego Sandwiches, and the Art of Succeeding in Product Trios
Influence, Ego Sandwiches, and the Art of Succeeding in Product Trios
Every great product team rests on what I like to call the decision triangle: the Product Manager, the Product Designer, and the Engineering Lead. Together, this trio balances user needs, business goals, and technical feasibility. In theory, it’s perfect harmony. In practice, it often feels like a Mexican standoff.
Picture two cowboys, hands twitching near their holsters, eyes locked. Who draws first? Who gets shot down? Who wins? That’s often what it feels like when the PM and designer disagree on direction. But unlike the movies, the goal isn’t to win. It’s to walk away together.
Every great product team rests on what I like to call the decision triangle: the Product Manager, the Product Designer, and the Engineering Lead. Together, this trio balances user needs, business goals, and technical feasibility. In theory, it’s perfect harmony. In practice, it often feels like a Mexican standoff.
Picture two cowboys, hands twitching near their holsters, eyes locked. Who draws first? Who gets shot down? Who wins? That’s often what it feels like when the PM and designer disagree on direction. But unlike the movies, the goal isn’t to win. It’s to walk away together.
The PM’s Battle
A Product Manager’s role is deceptively heavy. Their daily to-do list looks something like this:
01
Validate and prioritize what to build based on data and user research.
01
Validate and prioritize what to build based on data and user research.
02
Ask “Why are we building this?” not once, but five times over.
02
Ask “Why are we building this?” not once, but five times over.
03
Challenge assumptions: Does the problem really exist? How many
03
Challenge assumptions: Does the problem really exist? How many
04
Pressure-test solutions: Do we have data to back it up? If not, where do we get it?
04
Pressure-test solutions: Do we have data to back it up? If not, where do we get it?
05
Balance it all against business KPIs and limited resources.
05
Balance it all against business KPIs and limited resources.
Depending on the company stage, priorities shift. Sometimes it’s about quick wins. At other times, it’s about long-term bets. Either way, it can feel like juggling flaming torches in a windstorm.
The PM’s Battle
A Product Manager’s role is deceptively heavy. Their daily to-do list looks something like this:
01
Validate and prioritize what to build based on data and user research.
02
Ask “Why are we building this?” not once, but five times over.
03
Challenge assumptions: Does the problem really exist? How many
04
Pressure-test solutions: Do we have data to back it up? If not, where do we get it?
05
Balance it all against business KPIs and limited resources.
Depending on the company stage, priorities shift. Sometimes it’s about quick wins. At other times, it’s about long-term bets. Either way, it can feel like juggling flaming torches in a windstorm.
The Designer’s Dilemma
In these moments, the designer can easily become the “villain.” The one pushing back. The one slowing things down with an inconvenient truth: This won’t work for our users.
In these moments, the designer can easily become the “villain.” The one pushing back. The one slowing things down with an inconvenient truth: This won’t work for our users.
And here’s the catch — nobody likes their hard-won plan ripped apart. Especially not a PM who’s spent weeks building a neat roadmap with ducks perfectly in a row.
The Designer’s Dilemma
In these moments, the designer can easily become the “villain.” The one pushing back. The one slowing things down with an inconvenient truth: This won’t work for our users.
In these moments, the designer can easily become the “villain.” The one pushing back. The one slowing things down with an inconvenient truth: This won’t work for our users.
And here’s the catch — nobody likes their hard-won plan ripped apart. Especially not a PM who’s spent weeks building a neat roadmap with ducks perfectly in a row.
From Standoffs to Sandwiches
So how do you disagree without burning bridges? The answer, I’ve learned, is the ego sandwich.
It starts long before the conversation. You have to do your homework:
01
Qualitative ammo: Gather real user quotes, feedback from usability sessions, and patterns from interviews.
01
Qualitative ammo: Gather real user quotes, feedback from usability sessions, and patterns from interviews.
02
Quantitative backup: Collect statistically significant data to reinforce those stories.
02
Quantitative backup: Collect statistically significant data to reinforce those stories.
03
Clear articulation: Document design decisions, target metrics, and expected lifts in a way anyone can follow.
03
Clear articulation: Document design decisions, target metrics, and expected lifts in a way anyone can follow.
Then comes the delivery. Don’t storm into the room with “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Instead, wrap your challenge in empathy:
01
Start with recognition: “I see the value in what you’ve outlined.”
01
Start with recognition: “I see the value in what you’ve outlined.”
02
Insert your evidence: “Here’s what users told us, and here’s how the data trends support it.”
02
Insert your evidence: “Here’s what users told us, and here’s how the data trends support it.”
03
End with partnership: “I’d like your input on how we could explore this angle together.”
03
End with partnership: “I’d like your input on how we could explore this angle together.”
It’s not about proving them wrong. It’s about helping them succeed. Show how your design direction helps them hit their KPIs faster.
From Standoffs to Sandwiches
So how do you disagree without burning bridges? The answer, I’ve learned, is the ego sandwich.
It starts long before the conversation. You have to do your homework:
01
Qualitative ammo: Gather real user quotes, feedback from usability sessions, and patterns from interviews.
02
Quantitative backup: Collect statistically significant data to reinforce those stories.
03
Clear articulation: Document design decisions, target metrics, and expected lifts in a way anyone can follow.
Then comes the delivery. Don’t storm into the room with “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Instead, wrap your challenge in empathy:
01
Start with recognition: “I see the value in what you’ve outlined.”
02
Insert your evidence: “Here’s what users told us, and here’s how the data trends support it.”
03
End with partnership: “I’d like your input on how we could explore this angle together.”
It’s not about proving them wrong. It’s about helping them succeed. Show how your design direction helps them hit their KPIs faster.
Trust is Built Over Time
Here’s the beauty of it: when your bets work, when design decisions actually lift KPIs, the dynamic shifts. The next time you push back, you’re not the villain anymore — you’re the trusted voice of reason.
But let’s be honest. Not every bet pays off. Sometimes your hypothesis tanks. That’s when ownership matters most. Admit what didn’t work. Dig into the root cause. Share lessons learned. Temporary setbacks don’t break trust if you handle them with humility. They strengthen it.
Trust is Built Over Time
Here’s the beauty of it: when your bets work, when design decisions actually lift KPIs, the dynamic shifts. The next time you push back, you’re not the villain anymore — you’re the trusted voice of reason.
But let’s be honest. Not every bet pays off. Sometimes your hypothesis tanks. That’s when ownership matters most. Admit what didn’t work. Dig into the root cause. Share lessons learned. Temporary setbacks don’t break trust if you handle them with humility. They strengthen it.
Why Influence Beats Authority
Succeeding in a product trio isn’t about authority. It’s about influence. Influence is earned by pairing evidence with empathy, conviction with humility. The ego sandwich isn’t a gimmick — it’s a mindset.
Done right, it turns standoffs into collaborations. It makes your PM feel like a partner, not an opponent. And over time, it transforms the trio from a battlefield into a creative engine that consistently ships products users actually love.
Why Influence Beats Authority
Succeeding in a product trio isn’t about authority. It’s about influence. Influence is earned by pairing evidence with empathy, conviction with humility. The ego sandwich isn’t a gimmick — it’s a mindset.
Done right, it turns standoffs into collaborations. It makes your PM feel like a partner, not an opponent. And over time, it transforms the trio from a battlefield into a creative engine that consistently ships products users actually love.